On the Second Day of Xmas Ohbriggsy Gave to You…The Biebs, Mariah and Zooey!

14 Dec

Oh hi.  Happy December 14th everybody! It’s only 10 days till xmas eve.  Ready?  I kinda am.  I got my tickets to go to the Lou to see the fam.  You know, like this:

It's funny cuz it's true...

JK JK LOL, y’all!  Especially any of my fam who may be reading!  Anyway, I’ve got most0f my gifts and presents planned.  Hell, I even finished my xmas mixtape earlier than usual.  Sorry, friends who for the last 5 years have been lucky to get the tape right when they’re effing sick of xmas music.  This year you’ll get it in time to help make you sick of xmas music!  To quote something really stupid from 2011…winning!

So if you’ve been following along since yesterday (come on, people), you know I’m back with more holiday songs of the day for your internet enjoyment.  I’m a little late, so I want to give you guys some extra cheer.  So on this, the second day of ohbriggsymas, I’m gonna give you more of the sweet stuff.

So have you heard any tracks off the new holiday albums for 2011?   They are pretty much schlock fests.  Like, say, Justin Bieber.  Have you seen his christmas duet/remake with Mariah Carey?  You haven’t?  Ah lord, get yourself to youtubes, stat! Or, better yet, keep reading!

Now, see, we love ourselves some Mariah Carey over at the homestead. Double S has loved her since the “Vision of Love” days, and my mom even gave her  Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (containing the awesome “Obsessed”)  in her stocking back in 09.   “All I Want for Christmas is You,” which you love–admit it,  arguably kickstarted all this xmas song loving business back in the mid 90s.  Oh my god you guys, did you see her xmas special last year?  Epic.  I rue the day I deleted that from the DVR.

As you may remember, I loved “Oh Santa” off  Mimi’s 2010 holiday album.   So when I heard that Mariah and Justin Bieber were teaming up for an “All I Want for Christmas Is You” remake in ’11, I was intrigued.  Then I watched the video.

The hell?  We get a remarkably clean Santa ringing his bell in midtown Manhattan.  Come on.  NYC is kinda shockingly slushy within 5 minutes after snowfall.  True story.  Fade to Mariah looking like Mrs. Claus from a porno, and JBiebs shopping with his crew pushing a gold-plated grocery cart.  Bieber raps(?)/autotunes his way through the second verse of the song, I openly weep, then the video morphs into an extended Nintendo/Macy’s commercial, complete with closeups on logos and brands!   This is all almost as blatant as Modern Family’s incessant product placement, most recently seen in their holiday episode/extended Target commercial.

This is not to be confused with Modern Family’s near constant Apple and Prius placement.  MF has gone downhill, yos.  You know what shows haven’t?  And, in fact which shows were my faves from 2011?  Oh, if you insist.  Well, Parks and Recreation continued to master the perfect mixing of hilarity and poignancy.  Community, when it hits it’s high notes of creativity, simply is the best and funniest show on tv.   Louie is intense and unlike anything else you’ll watch.  Justified is badass.  And Breaking Bad was my favorite drama, in a Mad Men-less 2011, of the year and stressed me out in the awesomest way as it drew its season 4 to a close.    Long live Walter White!  Long Live Heisenberg!

Anyway, back to the video.  Biebs and MC finally share the screen at the very end of the song, when they alternate between creepy statutory rape-y vibes and a nice mom/mentor-son/protegé type hug.  Ah, sexually complicated Christmas…

But wait, Biebs isn’t done in his dealings with your favorite artists from junior high.  Hey guys, remember Boys II Men? They had their own shitty holiday album back in 1993.

Well, they’re back, with JBiebs! Here’s “Fa La La.”

The Boyz are looking alright, but where’s the tall deep voiced one with the ever-present cane?!  Did you ever see that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall flashes back to his high school days in a Boyz II Men knockoff group?  Good times.

Who hilariously sang: "Tara your booty is so smooth. I hope this isn’t rude.. but I want to get up on it!"

Shorty, do you want one more JBieb joint?  Here’s “Mistletoe.”

OK, enough of that.  Have you heard She & Him’s xmas album?  Good stuff!

Here they are with “The Christmas Waltz,” soon to be featured on the briggsy holiday mixtape.

And have you seen New Girl?  Pretty funny!

Jess often sings what she is doing, which is kinda my favorite thing ever.

So that’s it for day two.  See you tomorrow!

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7 Responses to “On the Second Day of Xmas Ohbriggsy Gave to You…The Biebs, Mariah and Zooey!”

  1. sonja December 14, 2011 at 3:19 PM #

    Mariah’s Oh Santa is SO GOOD! And the duet with JB is SO BAD. Mariah. Have some taste. Say no to Macy’s, Nintendo and Jenny Craig and Justin. All of you 90’s stars, Bieber is not making you better. Love the post!

    • ohbriggsy December 14, 2011 at 3:35 PM #

      thanks babe! i forgot about MC’s dealings with Jenny! regardless, we must track down that 2010 Mariah xmas special then never ever ever erase it again.

  2. amy December 15, 2011 at 12:10 PM #

    Hey, I just bought the She & Him Xmas album from amazon a few weeks ago! Love Chloe. Oh and you left out Britney’s & NSync’s awesome renditions of Xmas favorites.

    • ohbriggsy December 15, 2011 at 2:53 PM #

      yeah, it’s a great xmas album. dammit! i did forget those! well, i can borrow any and all nsync or backstreet boys or 98 degress xmas albums from my brother. yes, my brother. and yes, 98 degrees.
      and hey, would you like a copy of my xmas mix this year? i think i have your address from last year, unless it’s changed.

      • amy December 21, 2011 at 12:56 PM #

        Sure, would love the Xmas mix! 15 Grey Fox Ln, Weston, CT 066833. We bought a house in May, no longer are we renters, yay. Buying a house in CT can sure break the bank though.

        Oh and I meant Zooey, not Chloe, duhhh. Or I know her as Bones’s sister.

      • ohbriggsy December 21, 2011 at 3:23 PM #

        i already sent it out! i looked you up on whitepages.com, so you should have it tomorrow! and yeah, i bet connecticut makes seattle look cheap. or at least the same. in other words, i feel yopur pain! and of course now in this economy it seems like we’ll never be able to sell and move again! d’oh! well, enjoy your holiday. i’m in the lou. i’ll eat some imo’s and toasted ravs for ya!

  3. amy December 22, 2011 at 12:51 PM #

    Thanks dude! Once again, I can’t seem to type like a normal person on your blog – my zip is 06883.

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