Oh hi. Happy December 14th everybody! It’s only 10 days till xmas eve. Ready? I kinda am. I got my tickets to go to the Lou to see the fam. You know, like this:
JK JK LOL, y’all! Especially any of my fam who may be reading! Anyway, I’ve got most0f my gifts and presents planned. Hell, I even finished my xmas mixtape earlier than usual. Sorry, friends who for the last 5 years have been lucky to get the tape right when they’re effing sick of xmas music. This year you’ll get it in time to help make you sick of xmas music! To quote something really stupid from 2011…winning!
So if you’ve been following along since yesterday (come on, people), you know I’m back with more holiday songs of the day for your internet enjoyment. I’m a little late, so I want to give you guys some extra cheer. So on this, the second day of ohbriggsymas, I’m gonna give you more of the sweet stuff.
So have you heard any tracks off the new holiday albums for 2011? They are pretty much schlock fests. Like, say, Justin Bieber. Have you seen his christmas duet/remake with Mariah Carey? You haven’t? Ah lord, get yourself to youtubes, stat! Or, better yet, keep reading!
Now, see, we love ourselves some Mariah Carey over at the homestead. Double S has loved her since the “Vision of Love” days, and my mom even gave her Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (containing the awesome “Obsessed”) in her stocking back in 09. “All I Want for Christmas is You,” which you love–admit it, arguably kickstarted all this xmas song loving business back in the mid 90s. Oh my god you guys, did you see her xmas special last year? Epic. I rue the day I deleted that from the DVR.
As you may remember, I loved “Oh Santa” off Mimi’s 2010 holiday album. So when I heard that Mariah and Justin Bieber were teaming up for an “All I Want for Christmas Is You” remake in ’11, I was intrigued. Then I watched the video.
The hell? We get a remarkably clean Santa ringing his bell in midtown Manhattan. Come on. NYC is kinda shockingly slushy within 5 minutes after snowfall. True story. Fade to Mariah looking like Mrs. Claus from a porno, and JBiebs shopping with his crew pushing a gold-plated grocery cart. Bieber raps(?)/autotunes his way through the second verse of the song, I openly weep, then the video morphs into an extended Nintendo/Macy’s commercial, complete with closeups on logos and brands! This is all almost as blatant as Modern Family’s incessant product placement, most recently seen in their holiday episode/extended Target commercial.
This is not to be confused with Modern Family’s near constant Apple and Prius placement. MF has gone downhill, yos. You know what shows haven’t? And, in fact which shows were my faves from 2011? Oh, if you insist. Well, Parks and Recreation continued to master the perfect mixing of hilarity and poignancy. Community, when it hits it’s high notes of creativity, simply is the best and funniest show on tv. Louie is intense and unlike anything else you’ll watch. Justified is badass. And Breaking Bad was my favorite drama, in a Mad Men-less 2011, of the year and stressed me out in the awesomest way as it drew its season 4 to a close. Long live Walter White! Long Live Heisenberg!
Anyway, back to the video. Biebs and MC finally share the screen at the very end of the song, when they alternate between creepy statutory rape-y vibes and a nice mom/mentor-son/protegé type hug. Ah, sexually complicated Christmas…
But wait, Biebs isn’t done in his dealings with your favorite artists from junior high. Hey guys, remember Boys II Men? They had their own shitty holiday album back in 1993.
Well, they’re back, with JBiebs! Here’s “Fa La La.”
The Boyz are looking alright, but where’s the tall deep voiced one with the ever-present cane?! Did you ever see that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall flashes back to his high school days in a Boyz II Men knockoff group? Good times.
Shorty, do you want one more JBieb joint? Here’s “Mistletoe.”
OK, enough of that. Have you heard She & Him’s xmas album? Good stuff!
Here they are with “The Christmas Waltz,” soon to be featured on the briggsy holiday mixtape.
And have you seen New Girl? Pretty funny!
Jess often sings what she is doing, which is kinda my favorite thing ever.
So that’s it for day two. See you tomorrow!